Randomly Kawtar

 With an emphasis on emotions, mental health, the beauty of nature and the little habits that make a life, RandomlyKawtar captures in words and photographs what it is to live, to grow, to believe and to love.

An -imaginary- Catching Up Conversation


me: *orders a cup of coffee and raspberry cake*

friend: « oh you drink coffee now! and since when you’re a red fruits person »

- ha! I know right! but yeah I drink coffee every day now to keep me awake and energetic and believe it or not I crave red fruits more than chocolate now! 

- oh, who would’ve thought x) 

- I know haha 

- Other than that, how have you been? 

- mmm, I’ve been blogging a lot lately, I’m loving it and also my new semester starts next—

- No, not that, I mean really how have you been… I’m worried about you!

*heart melts quietly to the warmth of that last statement*

- euh, fine I think, really fine! I’m learning to live again, one day at a time…for starters, I no longer just wanna fight people all the time haha, I’m more peaceful and I actually crave company now and I even call people and stuff… I know, but each little progress is worth celebration now lol.

       The idea of living and being present doesn’t feel that heavy anymore, I’m gaining back my energy and my passions one at a time Hamdullah. There are still things I find heavy like say cooking a recipe from beginning to end, ugh that sounds exhausting and reading books as well, I’m still not back to the reader I used to be.

       But for instance, I’m able to write long pieces again and I enjoy that, as well as taking pictures, I finally picked up my camera 2 weeks ago for the first time in over 6 months or sthg, it’s crazy but delightful. 

     So yeah, just… that candle that was blown off inside is starting to relight again… this change, it feels very fragile, like you know wet cement… but I guess, I’m a more patient person now so I’m giving it all the time to dry up and become firm, I’m hoping firmer than it ever has been because healing really is not going back to where you were but becoming something else, something stronger and more beautiful. I’m still not there, but I'm no longer in a rush and I no longer feel that dark wall standing between me and myself and my God and the world basically! I’m learning to be very attuned to my emotions so I don’t feel overwhelmed with everything anymore and I’m able to feel God’s warmth and able to taste the deliciousness of life again… and that’s everything really! 

Make the sound of your healing louder than that of your shattering