Randomly Kawtar

 With an emphasis on emotions, mental health, the beauty of nature and the little habits that make a life, RandomlyKawtar captures in words and photographs what it is to live, to grow, to believe and to love.

How Do I Keep A Diary.

One day I was writing on my notebook when my 10 years old brother came in. 

"OMG! What are you writing again? you`re always writing!! "

I laughed and answered that I was writing secrets.

"Oh, what secrets again?! I don`t understand how people have secrets, I don`t have any!" he paused for a moment to think.

" I really don`t have secrets, what are they? like stories that your friends tell you that you shouldn`t tell anyone?! I don`t understand."

I laughed again because boy was he confused and frustrated.

      I explained to him that he perhaps doesn`t have secrets because he shares everything with everyone with talking (he speaks a lot and is the most honest person I know) and that for me I preferred to keep some things for myself, that`s why I write in my diary that often and that`s okay.

I know people who speak their minds to other people and still keep diaries and that`s okay too. 

A little history: 

       I have had a diary as long as I can remember, and I think I owe this to my primary school best friend. 

      Under her mother`s supervision, she wrote in her diary every single day, her mother wouldn`t let her go to bed without writing about her day even if she chooses not to share it with her and she really enjoyed it. 

      I have never been very regular with my diary until 2014 when I decided to write every single day and I did and boy was it awesome and therapeutic. Plus I recorded a whole year that I can go back to whenever I want. 

Why do I journal?

          Currently, I  write in my diary in two situations: when I`m super excited or when I`m super worried and I`m usually in one of the two states of mind. I`m rarely in a middle neutral ground. 

the 2014 daily diary OMG!!

       I don`t think I could do without journaling, whenever I get distracted from my work with so much excitement or worry, I take a break and write it all out, it helps me make sense of the world and of my thoughts and feelings and it calms me down like nothing else.

It`s my kind of meditation, my kind of confessing and healing. 

      When I put my thoughts and feelings into words, it`s as if  I`m listening to myself and guiding it with questions so that it can make sense of itself.

    Questions like: why are you feeling this? What stimulated this feeling/ thought? In all honesty, does it make sense now that you`ve written it down? Won`t you reconsider its danger? 

        Someone asked me in this form how do I keep a diary, well I just cannot not keep one, I`d go crazier that I already am haha, I don`t know about you but I feel like answering those questions and understanding your frustrations and ambitions is very important. 

What do I write?

         For frustrations, as I said journaling helps me understand them, but it also helps me detach from them because putting them into words and answering all those questions reduces the frightening size of those frustrations and I feel in control again, it`s as if I put them in a cage so that I`m free to go on with life again.

        As for ambitions, it`s crazy how writing them down motivates me and keeps me focused on what I want to accomplish and what messages I want to carry on spreading.  It helps me take them more seriously and it keeps me accountable to actually pursue them. It`s like saying: "they`re written so you have to get them done, their`s no way around it." 

       There`s also a series I just started 5 months ago in my diary called « Am I wasting my life? » I write it around the 7th or 8th of every month. I summarize in it my accomplishments and failures of the month, I record what changed and how it affected me, I remind myself of what I should be focusing on and what I shouldn`t. 

        It has been very helpful, to be honest. Especially when I notice that  progress between the last month`s edition and the one I just wrote, it`s very satisfying but can also be frustrating if I haven`t done any progress during that month. But I try to turn that frustration into motivation and make it a challenge to have something better to report in the next edition.

I also write this series as if I haven`t written anything else during that month, I summarize everything. Everything that matters.

How do I write all this?

      On to how I write all this, it`s usually very messy and I doubt someone else would understand the whole sense of my diary entries. I sometimes write letters, other times poems or just a big messy block of words that only make sense to me.


      I used to always write in notebooks and physical journals, until lately I started writing in my laptop which is cool due to how faster I can write but I really want to go back to writing with pen and paper. It has a charm to it. Plus you keep it all in one place. 


        I hope this answers your questions, as I said I cannot do without journaling, perhaps if I talked more I would write less, but exactly I usually don`t see the point of sharing such introspective things with people because of how little interest it might be for them. So I just choose to deal with my own mind and share what I may think that person could help me with or the big headlines that that person may be interested in knowing depending on our common interests. 

" You need me there is no leaving me behind, I know you won`t cause we share common interest, you need me there is no leaving me behin- "

Or maybe I`m just terrible with sharing by talking haha.

Anyway, you too can ask me questions about anything and I would try to answer. Feel at home and you don`t have to put your name and email adress just put your question in ;) 


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Rise Brighter Sunshines *.*