Randomly Kawtar

 With an emphasis on emotions, mental health, the beauty of nature and the little habits that make a life, RandomlyKawtar captures in words and photographs what it is to live, to grow, to believe and to love.

Self-Reminder: Stop predicting your limitis. Discover & Defy.

It`s 05 a.m. and I have lost it.

I cannot handle the way I have been treated lately anymore. That limiting and daunting treatment I have been giving myself is pushing me to a dead end that both dizzied and paralyzed my every move.

My hope and ambition have been robbed from me and I have become but a marionette worked from above by strings of doubt and self-pitty attached to my limbs. 

But how did this happen?

Did my dreams get bigger than my ambition could handle? Or am Ijust bending to society`s low and wrong expectations of what I should and could be?

Did I sip on too many waves of information and reality that they shut down the fire of my passion, that all I am now is scared of how I`m gonna use that information and change that reality?

Or have I lost the once-burning desire to add value altogether?


      Because here`s what happens when you talk yourself down to play it small, when you start selling your brain poor talk on what it can and cannot do, can and cannot reach or learn or own:

    you start performing at your worst, engaging in no-brainers, postponing every goal to an undefined date, you stop waking up early excited to start the day and you stop adding that gracious value to everything you touch, and people start taking you and your dreams less seriously.

     And it kills you. That feeling of powerlessness, feeling like less, feeling like there`s no way for you to make it. It kills you.

       And it only leaves you two choices:

  • believe the foretold lies and keep limiting yourself, stop aiming for the stars and join the crowd of the waiters of miracles where all you`ll do is feel nostalgic about the time you wanted to write a book, build an extension, have a pastry shop, be kind and grow plants.
  • OR you go back. You consider yourself exiled in the island of self-doubt and you decide to go back. You relit the fire from the remaining smoke of your past ambition, then you show up everyday until you build a spaceship and aim for the stars again. 

   Fortunately, I haven`t settled for the first choice yet but in order to execute plan B I needed help, so I called my self from 1 year ago, because she looked so stoked about every project she was working on and she looked effortlessly slaying at it, so she came by and we had a little talk.

- "Oh my God", she started after she read my diary. "You`re doing it again, taking yourself too seriously but not taking it seriously at all.’

-"hum, what?" I said.

     She rolled her eyes, took a sip from her cup of tea and went on.

- "So what you`re claiming is that you`re not worthy right, that you`ve got nothing to offer, because what say what, you don`t have anymore energy nor space to learn more or love more. Bullsh*t .

"Of course you haven`t reached plateau yet in any area of your life. Who reaches plateau at 19 for God`s sake?! You only reach plateau when you decide to and you should never take such a decision.

 "Listen to me, we`re the same person right? You once didn`t know how to read but you fought through it and now you can read three languages."

- "uh nothing fancy..." I mumbled

- "Okay remember that day you spent practicing a crow pose until you did it even though your hands were hurting and your legs were shaking.

"Well that`s what you are: stubborn. You may be a certified procrastinator but when you start you`re unstoppable. You`re stubborn. Don`t ever cushion that!!

"Go ahead and read the first article you wrote, terrible right? Well that`s because you learned more, you practiced more since then and that`s exactly how you`ll feel about this article in a year, you`ll think it`s terrible because you`ll learn more, you still have space. 

"You haven`t plateaued yet, you are still healthy and sane enough to stand tall on your surfboard and comfortably surf over the ocean of writing knowledge mankind have piled up so far, one wave at a time, you hear me? ONE. WAVE. AT. A.TIME.

"So just show up everyday and keep it simple and if you do it wrong, you keep on until you get it right, that`s what you used to do. 

"You used to focus on what puts your heart on fire and you stayed eager until you make it and then share it in the simplest and most genuine way that brain of yours could produce.

  "That`s what you do, you follow that eagerness and curiosity even if it means waking up in the middle of the night and staying up until you`re done.

    "The mistake you did was talking yourself down to rest  when you still got so much to offer and create.

    "When your body is tired it will tell you and I know you love it enough to listen to it, so stop underestimating its energy levels because they`re higher that your expectations.

      "Don`t extinguish your passion, don`t predict your possibilities, discover them then push harder, believe deeper, learn better and defy them."

Rise Up Brighter Sunshines *.*

...Ramadan Schedule...