Randomly Kawtar

 With an emphasis on emotions, mental health, the beauty of nature and the little habits that make a life, RandomlyKawtar captures in words and photographs what it is to live, to grow, to believe and to love.

ABC...N: Nowfull pt.1

Right now, I'm lying on the grass, surrounded by my notebooks and staring at the clouds, enjoying the show of two birds spinning in circles around each other. A plane just passed and got me dreaming about travelling somewhere I've never been... 

  Another plane just passed and this time it got me thinking about it crashing right at this place where I'm sitting. The thought got me smiling ... A third plane . No thoughts . i'm just enjoying the perfect morrocan weather and the melody of birds singing.

Right now , I'm in the middle of ... nowhere... technically ,it's the middle of the night , in the midlle of my room , in the middle of darkness ... and I'm feeling devastated, feeling stuck in the quicksand of my own thoughts and behaviors . It has been a tough week, and here I am in the middle of a breakdown and I cannot even cry it out nor talk about it , feeling too weak and too tired to do it. But I'm here right now , am I enjoying it? You tell.

But this time I'm trying not to escape it by making up lifes where everything is pretty perfect, instead I'm choosing not to fight back , sink deeper , feel -not think- what this is about , be brave and face the demon. Otherwise I'll just keep on turning in circles and I'll have to fake feeling good.

P.S: haha i sound like I'm in deep shit , don't worry and don't you feel sorry for me , we all go through those  lonely nights where we put to test everything we've been doing so far in life and feel kind of lost, right?? it's human, it's human !!

Right now, the house is full of people and I'm at the kitchen cutting strawberries in halfs wich we'll use to decorate the sponge cake. There's a conversation going on but I'm too focused at my task to actually listen .. I'm really enjoying the freshness of fruit against my hand, its cold juice  running down my forearms to meet my elbows and I feel wild, I feel all  fresh and natural ... I love pealing and cutting juicy fruits, is that weird? :p ... Oh I just had the brillant idea of making the strawberry halves into heart shapes , they'll look better , let's redo all of it and  #Spread_the_love.

I can hear your little mind : "Where on earth is she going with this ??!! " Patience human being, patience.

 Right now, I'm horse riding in the woods... I can't believe I thought about turning down this amazing adventure just because of a stupid mood swing.. I feel great then thrilled when we walk by the edge  but the horse is steady and pretty nice and calm, our guide is pretty chatty though, he even teaches me some horse riding tricks and teaches me how to trot , Oh God , I love horse riding , especially in beautiful places like this...

 Right now, I'm lying on the grass , again , but with a totally different set up: the sky is dark , my bestfriend is beside me and there are a lot of young people around us playing , laughing and expressing themselves , we just shared a buffet of yummy american snacks with native americans who came to Morocco to learn Arabic ... it has been a long awesome day of meeting and socializing with some of my favourite people and with all the scenes of the day going before my eyes , I suddenly don't wanna go home . Here and Now with the people , the weather and the feelings , all this sounds good to me ... I smile to this feeling of abundance , close my eyes and open them to find our new friend Claire joining us on the grass , and the coversation starts...

    NOW, Tuesday the 7th of July , I'm typing these words away , these clips from the memory of these past 2 months and I abruptly realise that this is life ...I mean, these little moments put together are life, my life , all that crazy journey of whatever years you're meant to live comes down to the succession of instants like the listed above, simple, little, mindfull, concsious instants like this are LIFE.

    Crazy right ?!!

    From the possibility of opening multiple tabs at the same time in our browsers to the deadlines set by our responsibilities or again the competitive materialistic and endless pressure of chasing a better house, a better car etc... almost everything in our modern life pushes us to just go go go and builds in us the urge to multi-task, share constantly and compete...

... we keep craving to learn painting but when we finally start it we start complaining about how we suck at it and we start craving to be a pro ASAP. We keep dreaming about getting a certain education and when we get to college we just keep waiting for graduation day to go get a job ... and the story goes on and on, always impatiently , pointlessly waiting  and overthinking things, endlessly looking for happiness in hopeless places...

....  and that's how our minds get too busy waiting for what's next, to actually figure out what's going on, so at the end of the day, we find out that

we actually missed all that warmth, peace and quality that mindfullness brings to our lifes. We miss our whole life by rushing.

To be continued...

“Wherever you are, be all there.”
— Jim Eliott

Have A Mindfull Life Sweeties!!