ABC .... N : Nowfull pt.2 .
The thing is, i'm paradoxially a drama queen, a life enthusiast AND an seventh cloud dreamer .
Consequently , i`ve spent my whole life either being super worried about what is going to happen next and imagining the worst of scenarios ( 99% of wich doesn't happen)
OR being super excited and waiting hopefully for the next moment, the next day to come, hoping it will be more interesting than the curent one OR again making up a life where everything is better than what i have now and linking my happiness to materialistic possessions or achievements.
The result: ''here'' has never been my answer to the infamous question :"where would you like to be right now?"
To make things clearer, let`s go back to last
as a consequence of being so tired from studying and from a boring to death routine , all I was waiting for was graduate highschool , make a good trip during summer, have a makeover for my closet then September would come and I would have a car , i'd be studying and that i would make new friends, Oh and have those cool Virgin notebooks as school notebooks … i held this dream during math classes and last exams , believing deeply that i will be happy once that pretty perfect scene will become my life.
Only two things happened. I got depressed . The drama queen in me took the lead .I started considering myself a failure and started believing thatI'm wasting my time, youth and life overall.
I started the blog out of boredom.
I complained to my bestfriend about it and "just take it one day at a time" was all she said .
"what the hell? I want practical changes and to a busy schedule was all i thought.
I picked myself up . I started and I stopped.
Started the blog out of passion .
Stopped waiting for the next moment , the next day , the next achievemt or the next event to be happy.
Started actually taking in one day at a time.
Stopped being ungrateful for the blessings that were surrounding me and always wanting more.
Started realizing that Now is all i have and that that, is enough AND that here and now are excactly where I should be.
Stopped constantly feeling the urge to escape the moment and running away from the responsibility that comes with being fully present .
So here I am, Friday 01:39 a.m. catching the late night inspiration before the morning rush takes it away.
Being NOWFULL is something that I've been consistently working on lately .
It is a simple excercise of being fully focused and conscious about what's going on around you and make the choice of making the most of it.
Being mindful is what makes me enjoy and stick to the writing process no matter how messy and hard it gets because I'm conscious that it's these first steps and current pratices that will get me to write better.
Being mindful is what makes me choose having a healthy fueling breakfast instead of unconcsiously loading up on last night's leftovers. It make you conscious of your feelings.
It is also what makes me realise that I'm actually bored not hungry , so finding something to do is what I need , not a pointless snack !! It make you conscious of your real feelings.
It is also what makes me enjoy the smell of spices on fire , the tempertaure of water against my skin, the pealing of fresh vegetables, the stirring ... it somehow makes me more conscious on the whole process and ambiance of cooking instead of worrying about the final outcome.
Yeah you can tell I'm fasting... foooood haha !!
Briefly, I realised that practising mindfulness brings some kind of better quality to whatever I do or whatever I'm excperiencing because my focus is no longer scattered in million places at the same time, so one moment becomes enough to feel alive and fulfilled.
However, it'd be a lie to say that I always remember to be nowfull especially in daily habits and I still worry and anticipate things but not as much as I used to.... especially when I realised that happiness is nowhere near a big closet, a fancy car or even a big amount of friends ... indeed it is found with a sense of mindfulness and abundance to what is.
Dear fellow human, remember that here and now are exactly where you have to be before getting to wherever you want to be, so you'd better put your heart in the now, make the most of it and add your own touch to it to make it work for you.
Turn distractions off, focus on what's important and seize the day.
~ Carpe Diem.
P.S.: yup again NOWFULL is just a word I made up.