Randomly Kawtar

 With an emphasis on emotions, mental health, the beauty of nature and the little habits that make a life, RandomlyKawtar captures in words and photographs what it is to live, to grow, to believe and to love.

The Write Ambiance.

Teeth brushed, face washed, lights, pants and socks off, I slip under the covers of my bed and turn on the bed lamp, put my laptop on my …lap and wait. Beside me, on the side table: a cup of water, my outlining notebook and my to-do list pad.

I hear them coming from the kitchen, laughs, cries, screams and orders…my siblings and mother that is.

As the chaos starts fading at around 22h, my waiting comprehends watching some Youtube, checking off things off my to-do-list and writing a new one, reading some articles, talking to the bestie, scro-
Oh, wifi gone! Means that my father has gone to bed as well, he too always waits until my siblings have slept.

But I wasn’t waiting for silence so that I can sleep, I waited so that my mind can finally breathe without a threat.

I wait so that I can enter my Mind Palace without it being disturbed by the stress of a to-do list or the intrusion of socializing or hunger…

So by 23 p.m, I’m left to myself, facing the blankness of a new page waiting for me to spoil its blankness with words that are begging to be released.

I only do either freewriting or editing at night. Outlining and researching are morning activities. I start my freewriting by checking my outline and elaborating each point.

Now, I’ve read loads of writing advices and they ALL advised me to write first thing in the morning but you see I ALWAYS write crap in the morning.

There’s just this chemistry about the night that makes the mind and the words bold enough to come out in the most honest and lyrical way.

At night, my guards are down: my brain is tired and the prefrontal cortex -the one who takes decisions and thinks reasonably enough to not let me behave like a weirdo in front of people- well, that one is too tired to criticise me for what is okay to express and what is not.

At night, everything is allowed, bewildered emotions, daunting dreams, deep analyses and transparent thinking processes.
At night, nothing is sugarcoated, it’s all raw and bold.

The stubborn honesty that the night allows me, gives for some magnificent pieces that the morning-me doesn’t believe I crafted out.

Disclaimer: that definitely doesn’t happen every night but it is more likely to. The proof is I haven’t written any book yet..but hey I’m working on it.

I show up every night and I type. It doesn’t matter if I like it or not, I keep typing, and out of everything I write, there’s ALWAYS at least one idea that I love and see as the building stone of my next writing (or re-writing) session.

I write for at least one hour, then I’m free. Sometimes I rush to sleep, others, I keep writing.

And did I tell you that I sing -or rather lip sync- while writing? well I do, it stimulates creativity pretty well that music thing. Sometimes I even get up , lipsync a song or two then go back and type down the flow music has graced me with.

And that’s about it, at 01:00 I’m done.

Done you said? I get to decide not you!” my brain shouts as I try to sleep. “I’ve still got things to say, you can’t just shut me down, YOU excited my neurones in the first place!” 
With a sigh, I sometimes get up and take notes of what it’s telling me, other times I fight to shut it down and regret it in the morning. ALWAYS.

Grow Gracefully Daisies *.* 

kawtar amraniwriting