How to have a conversation with me, an introvert!!
-Hello there. -Hi
- How are you doing?
- I`m doing alright, thanks for asking x) How you`ve been?
- Marvellous thanks, so how is life?
Now, this last question kind of makes me anxious because usually when people ask you this question they expect a short and conventional answer while in fact the real answer should fit in along, reflective speech shaded with some weaknesses and ducked up with some details on the edges.
So if you don`t want me disturbed don`t ask me that question.
``How is life?`` seriously?
Anyway, after we`re done with the casualties, there will be a short uncomfortable silence and I`ll tell you about whether I like the weather that day because I always notice and think about things like that and I always use it to break the silence.
That, if I bother to break it in the first place.
Because hence, never underestimate my ability to stay quite for hours. Comfortably. I mean HOURS without uttering a word. Comfortably.
And I would just like to gently point out that for us, introverts, sharing what`s in our heads is not something spontaneous or natural like it is for our fellow extroverts.
The thing is, sometimes I`m really in the talking mode, words would flow from my mouth organically and I may even make jokes and stuff, but that`s a quite seldom mode.
Other times aka usually, I will seriously not bother sharing anything and it`s been a while since I gave up forcing myself to talk because nothing ever comes out when I try to squeeze words out of my brain. I mean nothing but more embarrassment and guilt. So I gave up.
Another thing, never talk to me right after I wake up. I hate it, even when I`m in a good mood. Leave me alone for at least half an hour. I need it to recover from my dreams and situate myself in life. I just need it, the quite morning ritual, okay?
So we were chatting about the weather, after that we may or may not strike up a conversation, don`t really count on me to do it. If I happen to be in the talkative mode I will talk, otherwise don`t really wait for me to ask you questions about your life, I usually don`t do that because I assume that if someone wants to talk about something they`ll just do it, and therefore it`ll be impolite to ask them questions because they just may not want to talk about those things.
If we do start a conversation, somehow, let`s keep it interesting, shall we?!
Tell me about the story of your life, what gives you a pain in the heart, what excites you to tears, what would you do for hours.
How are you solving your problems, how are you managing to live and all.
Tell me about your wildest dreams.
Tell me what do you think about love and creativity and all those things, not in a cheesy way, but rather in a smart and genuine way that`ll bring us closer, because that`s the point right?
I`ll listen. Never underestimate my ability to listen for hours without interrupting. I`ll listen as long as you don`t:
-become too narcissistic,
-repeat yourself or discuss something we already talked about before,
-shift to smaller and pointless content.
All that gets me distracted as hell and drains my energy away. I`ll keep listening but not actively this time.
And between, pointless is a quite relative adjective, to define it shortly: let`s not talk just to talk, silence never bothered me anyway.
And don`t worry, you don`t have to be serious to be interesting, not necessarily. I love making fun plans, I love jokes and I find sarcasm very attractive but I despise bullying, so never mix the two, sarcasm and bullying I mean.
When it`s my turn to talk or if you ask me a question, listen.
Don`t do something else like checking your phone or something and don`t interrupt. I hate that, for real. Especially don`t interrupt me to say something that has NOTHING to do with what I`m talking about. I`ll hate you to death if you do that , you don`t wanna know the things that swirl in my mind if you look distracted.
Because you see, I rarely talk and I usually start blushing and even stuttering and my breath starts shortening when I exceed a certain amount of few spoken words. No kidding.
I already don`t feel comfortable saying a long and proper sentence so I will stop talking if you interrupt me for nothing or if you do another phony act.
I don`t know, something like saying em-huh excessively or one of those other affirmation sounds. It makes me anxious because it sounds like you`re in a rush and that makes me really anxious.
So be patient. That`s the key really, patience.
Look like you give a damn, don`t interrupt and if I struggle in expressing something, which is very usual, tell me that it`s okay, tell me to take my time, tell me that I can take a breath, clear my mind and then I`ll find a way to express it, in a lyrical way even.
Now the second key for me to build trust in you is honesty (if you have a terrible memory, the first is patience), tell me your most genuine thoughts, always, especially if it has something to do with me, be yourself and let me decide whether I like you or not, gently.
There`s nothing I despise more than hypocrisy even if you have good intentions to not hurt my feelings whatsoever. Just tell me, I`ll handle it, like the big girl I am…trying to be.
That, if you really want me to trust you and for our relationship to go further.
Last but not least, never take me nor yourself too seriously when conversing with me and never take anything I do too personally.
I warned you.
That`s a wrap. It was nice talking to you and thanks for your understanding :D