Randomly Kawtar

 With an emphasis on emotions, mental health, the beauty of nature and the little habits that make a life, RandomlyKawtar captures in words and photographs what it is to live, to grow, to believe and to love.

How Is your lifestyle serving you?

It`s raining tonight.

     And there`s nothing I appreciate more than sleeping to the sound of the rain. I love the sound of water, I find it as therapeutic as Marcel`s voice. 

     So it`s raining and I have been in bed all day, ill, listening to the pain of my body which caused my eyes to shut in tiresome, twice.

      Then I`d wake up and attempt to prove my presence by putting some order in my closet, having tea with family and working on some project..for 5 minutes.


    And here I am, my alarm clock went off at nine p.m. declaring my favourite time of the day, where I get to dim the lights , sit under the covers of my bed, and open a blank page on TextEdit with an inspiringly beautiful painting in the background of my desktop, then I attempt to be bold enough to put dirt on the challenging blankness.

     I have started these rendez-vous with writing one week ago and I already consider it the best decision I`ve made in a while. The best addition to my list of rituals.

      Because that`s how I live now, in a succession of mainly independant rituals that I repeat almost everyday with energy levels as the only variable, and that until I get tired of them or come to assume that they`re no longer serving me.

      The three other recently added rituals are running, watching Casey Neistat vlogs and my evening skin care routine where I disappear behind the door of my bathroom, show my skin and self a little love and care while meditating on the safety, comfort and peacefulness that the course of my life has taken lately.

     The same house, the same small circle of people, the same studies, my little bottle of water, the smell of my room and gifts decorating it.

       There was a time within the last two years where I had the chance to change my life completely, turn everything upside down and start all over someplace new, but instead of seeing it as an appealing opportunity -as usual- I considered it as an immense threat to the stability I was surprisingly enjoying and being accomodated to.

     Surprising in the measure that I have this usual thirst for novelty and radical changes which I assume comes from the all too unstable childhood marked with a lot of big dramatic headlines, lots of moving ins and moving outs and a high amount of people coming and going.

       My newest friendship dates of two years now.

       So this relative stability somewhat feels like coming home,  it feels like finally finding the shore after years of endless surfing on enraged waves and I wasn`t ready to give up this release for anything -yet.

A release I didn`t even know I was longing for, voire needing.

      One thing I know I need for sure, is evolvement, I despise pointless monotony and stagnant steadiness so I`m aiming that whatever value I set the knobs on, I want it to be serving an inspiring improvement.

     I mean the knobs that control the loudness, strenght and frequency of the winds that curve and mark us throughout a lifetime. 

  Whether I set them on a high scale of permanent moving from a country to another every six months, or a simple change in daily rituals, I want to feel like it`s adding to my value, that I`m progressing toward a more beautiful and a stronger me. That`s all.

      So what is your scale? Adventurer, meditator or a misfit like myself torn between the two?

Rise Brighter Sunshines *.*